Let me set
the stage.
Yesterday, you
were playing catch with your kids in the back yard. Your wife calls everyone in
for dinner. As you walk into the house, you catch a glimpse of your favourite
family photo on the wall in the kitchen. The sounds and the smells are vivid
and inviting. You take your seat at the table and enjoy a meal and some quality
time with your family. For us, the night was always capped off watching Steve
Harvey on Family Feud on the TV in the kitchen.
Fast forward
36 hours and you’re on your in-law’s couch in their basement at 3:00 AM staring at the ceiling thinking to yourself, “Thank God we
weren’t home when the fire started.”
Your next thought, is
“Now what?”
You have no idea who to
call next or who’s going to call you. Do you go to work? or not? How are the
kids handling the fire? Are they ok? Do they understand what’s happening? Is
your wife ok? Who do I call next? Where will we stay? Can I work from there?
How will the kids get to school? I have a deadline at work the I can’t miss,
how can I do this?
The questions don’t end.
They never do.
The uncertainty of all the
questions leads to anxiety which fuels your desire to get shit under control.
Your desire for control leads to thinking. Thinking leads to more questions and
more uncertainty, more worry, even more anxiety and, eventually, you achieve
what Dr. McGrory calls a state of pure hypervigilance.
In this state
of hypervigilance, every thought becomes top priority. Whether its call the
adjuster, or finish your project at work, pick up dinner, clean the car, pay
the mortgage, feed the cat. Where thoughts were once neatly ordered and
prioritized, they’ve become a mess of random orders pecking your brain.
There are many
physiological manifestations of hypervigilance. For me, it was avoidance,
eating (or not eating), drinking (ok, a lot of drinking), but perhaps the most
damaging aberration was this new feeling that I was alone.
If you got this far and
think, “this guy is crazy!” Good for you! you’re safe.
If you can
identify with this story, please don’t be too proud to ask for help!
P.S. I almost
called this post “Thinking makes you lonely”